I fairly think, no one could ever understand this song. I still remember clearly in 2009, on the first time I understood its meanings, I slammed the keyboard in front of me, because the contents of the song tells me this "..You will never find me again, because of our separation is almost near, please let me go.." I knew so much that the love you preached so much, is nothing more than a very big lie. It's hurting me so much right now, but I understood that it is your decision and your conclusion as a woman. It is also true now, that I have no objective in life. I wandered alone through the forest, through the river wanting to find you, when you know it is me, you rejected me. I hope you are doing the right thing my dear, because you have just gave up on someone who's heart is really being heard by the heavens. A very emotional technologist, a real scientist, and a real friend. Kazamidori, which I describe as the yellowish green colored person whom you are.. I was very disappointed in your final decision. As a human being, I accept your decision. We shall meet again when everything has ended, but my decision to stay with Allah still unchangeable. My logical self tells me, that there is only Allah in this universe, and He is taking good care of me, and I must always be thankful to Allah taala.
When finally one day Kazamidori, you will meet someone that is almost like me, but never you will meet something as close to me ever again. I will always be a servant of Allah taala, to Him I shall be returned to. That is all to my life, the end.
Date and time, Wednesday, February 10, 2010 (05:00 a.m.) posted on Maaya no uta {A Personal Web-blog}
KOBACHAN!
Suka tengok gambar Kobato chan, hihi..^_^ takpe pakai bahasa Malaysia, baru orang luar tak paham basaha kita kan XD cerita nie mmg cerita tentang kebaikkan hati seseorang, mmg suka tengok.. tapi harap2 ada masa sahaja.. hmm.. XD
Date and time, Tuesday, February 9, 2010 (10:24 a.m.) posted on Maaya no uta {A Personal Web-blog}
Visions of Time: Universe
There's another vision which I seen myself in a wedding dress, a majestic dress with my wife in her wedding gown. It's the vision of eternity, of where lies beyond time, beyond the rainbow. Where heaven is, a place where happiness is real. In my heart at that moment was that, all the painful moments we had once in this world, every single inch of it was worth it. It's hard when we can not imagine, and one just gave up the real goal of life for something worldly. This life is just merely a single test of courage, trust, and worthy.
This religion we held close to us, this life and everything have a meaning. Those who closes their eyes, ears not accepting such are the ones whom will lose everything. When given the chance to change, they discarded and return back to whom they were before. In years to come, they will come back to a single reality that they could not trust even their loved one, because they are clearly not being true to them. That was the curse we bear, that each human being is being deceived by the evil. I have.. to decide, that the people whom are digging their own graves will one day enter it even without knowing it, and there is nothing I can do to help them. I am out of my creativity, if there is anything else I could do, I will. Anything beyond that it is up to the individual itself. This is not a simple matter, where one can ultimately change into a totally different person, for the better of course.
I'm sorry if I have kept you waiting my dear Nur, if only we had more strength, we could have change this world together. In the last part of the Sura al-Ghaasyiyah, mention it is not for us to decide their fate, but it is up to Allah to decide(hisab). We have serve our purpose, now we have to continue on with our lives, finally :)
Date and time, Monday, February 8, 2010 (09:15 a.m.) posted on Maaya no uta {A Personal Web-blog}
Pure hearted person
A person's heart is hard to be seen, often filled with evil, and selfish needs. When I finally understood that I was being played a fool, there for once I knew all of my emotions was showing a weaker self of mine. I wished towards Allah swt to understand the true meaning behind his sura al-A'la which shows to me of the real situation of the human being. They are materialistic, and filled with lust. Always going for something that is beneficial for them alone. The heart is very sensitive thing in actual form, because one heart will determine weather he/she will enter heaven. My situation with girls is that, I will explain back of all the things they have done towards me in advance, weather they like it or not, that their actions will come with a consequences. So far in my travels, I have met a devil in disguise once, where she hated me so much and tries her best in expressing that feeling towards me. Maybe there is another logical explanation behind all that, that which I now understand that she wanted to protect me from a greater evil, which that person she knows very well about. Disloyalty, Lies, Sins, Lust, that is what she is made from, there is not a single hope of light that can help her out from hellfire. Because of my pure hearted sense, I still want to believe that since we are on this earth given the resources and creativity, we can actually find a way to help such people. I was wrong. It was far better if we leave them to die alone, those sort of people do not deserve to even be given a chance, along with that devil hearted person. Both are only showing off their ego towards me, in fact are running away from the fact that they are practically lost in their own judgments about life. I hope they burn in hell.
Chances are for me to make the mistake in the future is still open, I can never change this state of my heart, but what I can still do is to be careful not to fall into these evil creatures trap, or even lesser of evil. It is true when my lecturer mention that, in our Muslim society is very backbiting and backstabbing type. Even if they are doing that towards me, that their own friend may even backbite them in their backs. It builds up frantic amount of distrust in between them all. It is just a sort of relationship filled with lies built from a bigger lie. What I did learned from all this is that, the quantity of the real good people are decreasing from time to time, that the real ones are very focused on understanding Allah's creations from the Universes to the Stars above. They will have no time to even explore this, so called 'human love' because they knew deep inside, being with the 'wrong person' will destroy their love towards the creator. Sometimes I do notice people in the Mosque, are having a sort of crisis, where they are up against. I've observe their very essence of their souls and found out that in our time of life is when 'we' are like an endangered species, we are becoming rare, and from time to time we heard more good souls are being collected, leaving us all alone. The heavens are preparing for a hard time, that the ones left on earth will experience real 'hell' soon enough. For an oracle, I can only try my best to find my close friends whom are still interested in heaven. That is what leading me to them, that is why I do not mind having more friends than usual.
Those who said in their heart that nothing is wrong, will one day see the real image of fear in front of their own eyes, when everything is already done, and cannot be undone. Because it is already all written, in the references of Nabi Ibrahim and Nabi Musa.
Date and time, Monday, February 8, 2010 (06:59 a.m.) posted on Maaya no uta {A Personal Web-blog}
Hati menjadi jelas semula
Mungkin Nur dapat serangkap tentang kehidupan abang Imrann, sejelas yang mungkin adalah sebaiknya kita terus terang kepada diri masing masing. Abang terima, itulah jawapan abang. Maafkan abang sebab sifat yang ada pada diri ini, kelemahan pada diri abang ini, InsyaAllah akan berubah jadi yang terbaik pada hari esok.
Sebenarnya, abang pun tak dapat siapkan kerja rumah.. sampai lah Nur dah bersihkan kegelapan yang ada pada diri abang ni. Sudah mencukupi abang mencari ilmu di luar, sekarang mencari ilmu yang berguna sahaja.
Dalam perjalanan tersebut, abang perasan yang seseorang ihsan itu akan terperdaya dengan kawannya sendiri, tentang ingin 'bercinta' ataupun sebagainya. Kisah mereka adalah berkeluman dalam maksiat, dan memanggil satu antara lain suatu 'label' yang mereka berada pada jalan yang betul. Dalam banyak situasi, mereka lupa ingin melihat ke langit, dan memerhati bagaimana Allah telah meletak bintang-bintang di langit, dan bagaimana Matahari dan bulan beredar pada paksi-paksi nya.
Ada kalanya, abang perasan mereka anggap ilmu sains dan technology adalah suatu yang benar, tapi mereka lupa yang dalam diri mereka sendiri, ada suatu perkara yang tidak dapat diterjemahkan dalam bentuk sains mahupun matematik. Iaitu ruh. Walaupun sekecil semut, setiap semut itu ada ruh dia tersendiri, dan tiada apa machine sekalipun yang mampu membuat ruh tersebut. Mereka lari dari kebenarnan walapun di depan mata kepala mereka sendiri.
Hati seseorang yang hidup, hanya ada pada ilmu yang datangnya dari Allah taala. Dan ilmu tersebut, baiklah ia di beri kepada seluruh umat Islam supaya mereka dapat memanfaatkan nya, tanpa sebarang bayaran.
Date and time, Sunday, February 7, 2010 (01:02 p.m.) posted on Maaya no uta {A Personal Web-blog}
Fall
I never guessed that when you fall, there was a single moment when you really felt alive. She didn't even ask weather I was okay or weather I was hurt, is this world just about you? being taken advantage on over and over, kindness never pays off. I seek for a single memory which never existed, and I have found that there was actually a real meaning of being all alone. The preparation for the long journey has just started, in a single day I understood one thing, that the person who love me is actually a total illusion, a mere illusion of what my mind thinks for it to believe in. The feeling of hurt, is something that cant be imagined, even if death is for an instant, this is understand the pain of death for a long time. I may lose hope, and totally give up soon. I'm just waiting for her last answer, that will decide my fate.
I have finally combined all my thoughts into a single reality, at the same time understood that everything could be wrong, which one shall outweighs the other. In the mids of despair, a true self shall emerge, where I shall be unstoppable. I do not understand what death my be like, but I'm pretty sure it is still better than to continue on living like this.. at least never let me wait that long just to know whom I'm really am. Totally broken.
Hmm.. very emotional, urgh.. I'm sick of being like this sometimes.. =_=" cried too much this morning, she haven't even said the answer yet.. but I'm guessing it's a big "NO" ah.. I could have ignored my feelings, but then.. it's feelings, it's really something that cannot be trusted sometimes.. aaah.. why does it takes more than a day just to be rejected.. why can't girls just make up their minds in just 5 minutes. I never met a girl whom would want to challenge my thoughts, and make me believe otherwise. It is that or she is just over-positive energy generator type. I surely laugh at her, saying that you are one weird person. I wonder if I managed to fool her.. that my real self is actually a very naughty personality indeed, I play with my feelings and other people's feelings. Hm.. still I really felt lonely right now, no one wants to play with me.. where do I belong, or where I should go to?.. I'm still waiting for her answer, and waiting for her to return back to her real senses, and finally understand where she has to return to. There is nothing that she wanted in this world, just right here within my arms, hugging her..
Ah.. mouu.. later they will all regret on their decision, and wishing for me to save them right? stupid girls. "Obaka" desu ne? mm.. someone who can see through all of my lies, ah.. she must be my wife.. and she knows me damn well, that I never lie!
Continue to a forum post here
Date and time, Sunday, February 7, 2010 (09:20 a.m.) posted on Maaya no uta {A Personal Web-blog}
Kazemichi Jet
Today is the very-very-very first day, I'm going out with another Maaya chan fangirl - meets - ultra fanboy XD
I've been playing Kazemichi jet and Praline this morning, two of the most itoshii romance and innocent love sort of song. "Kimi wa mada.. ooh.. XD" will I turn a double moon effect again today? aa.. XD soredemo ne.. I'm very excited person sometimes.. very-very excited XD doki doki XD kyaa! XD mm.. all that memories I had when listening to Maaya's songs.. are all being compiled into a single memory right now, a single self, it's starting already.. ano hito is merging into one, the most beautiful person in history will be born, under the praline starry nights. Yosh, the road is still far ahead, we need to keep our strength close within our hearts :D gambatte ne atashi..
Date and time, Saturday, February 6, 2010 (08:16 a.m.) posted on Maaya no uta {A Personal Web-blog}
Thinking of studying..
mm.. had to be serious on this.. but I want to be active too.. XD
Date and time, Friday, February 5, 2010 (10:29 p.m.) posted on Maaya no uta {A Personal Web-blog}